BigSaltyDog

Denise Yummiezzzz Richards and the Misfits When news broke that Hollywood actress Denise Richards was coming to town to promote her new book, Stg. Salty couldn't have been less interested. Reading, in his opinion, was something you did when the television broke or the pub was closed. However, when Quags somehow managed to get tickets for the book signing, everything changed. "Quags, how the hell did you manage that?" Stg. Salty asked, staring at the tickets. "Don't ask me, Salty. I entered something online, clicked a few buttons, and here we are. I thought it was a competition to win a few pints!" "Well, whatever you did, you've accidentally done something useful for once," Salty replied. The Misfits were delighted. Sarah and Susan were particularly excited about meeting a genuine Hollywood star, while the lads were already arguing over who would get the best photograph. Ye Olde Large Lad had suggested bringing a notebook in case De...

TERMINATOR 2: HASTA LA VISTA, BIGSALTYDOG! Arnie's Most Dangerous Mission Yet! It was business as usual at BigSaltyDog headquarters. Stg. Salty was putting off the paperwork, Ye Olde Large Lad was raiding the biscuit tin, and McFinleyyy was giving out about the heating. Sarah and Susan were catching up on the latest gossip, while Govna was talking about his kitchen renovation and Danny Boy was looking for something to eat. Whizzley was planning an escape, Dinkz was battling with the coffee machine, and Squalshyyy was doing his best to look busy without actually working. Suddenly, the front door burst open. Standing there was Arnold Schwarzenegger, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket. He pointed at Salty. "I NEED YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR BOOTS, AND YOUR MOTORCYCLE!" Salty looked him up and down. "Have you got a booking?" Arnie frowned. "I am the Terminator. I have travelled through time to complete a critical mission." Sarah turned to Susan. ...

The Manchester United Fan Who Could Accidentally Save the Manager's Job BigSaltyDog | Football, Fiascos and the Beautiful Game Stg. Salty was halfway through his morning coffee when Danny Boy arrived at headquarters looking like a man who had just witnessed Manchester United win three matches in a row. "Salty, have you seen the latest football news?" Danny asked. "Unless somebody has discovered a way to get twenty-two footballers to chase the same ball without arguing, I'm not interested," Salty replied. "It's about a Manchester United fan who's threatening to post revealing pictures every day until the manager gets the sack!" Salty slowly lowered his coffee. "Good Lord, Danny. Has it really come to this? I thought football supporters expressed their dissatisfaction by booing, throwing their scarves on the ground and shouting at televisions. Whatever happened to tradition?" According to the story doing the rounds, one ...

 YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT! 🥖  Appleby's Employee Arrested Following Bizarre Baguette Incident Disclaimer: This is a fictional satirical story from BigSaltyDog. All characters and events are imaginary. Police were called to Appleby's restaurant yesterday afternoon following an extraordinary incident involving an employee, a French baguette and what one witness described as “behaviour that left absolutely nothing to the imagination.” The employee, whose name has not been released in this entirely fictional investigation, was reportedly working in the kitchen when colleagues noticed something unusual happening behind the counter. At first, nobody thought much of it. After all, Appleby's serves bread every day, and baguettes are hardly unusual in a restaurant. But according to one alleged witness, things took a turn when the employee began behaving in a manner that caused the head chef to drop a tray of freshly prepared chips. “I've worked in restaurants for...

McFinleyyy and the Uninsured Truck of Doom McFinleyyy was enjoying a peaceful walk through the neighbourhood, minding his own business, when he heard a tremendous bang behind him. CRASH! A large delivery truck had somehow managed to reverse into a parked car, leaving its rear end looking like a concertina. The owner of the damaged car came sprinting out of a nearby shop, clutching a half-eaten sandwich and looking as though Christmas had been cancelled. “YOU ABSOLUTE MANIAC!” he shouted at the truck driver. “Look at the state of my motor!” The truck driver climbed down from the cab, scratched his head and inspected the damage. “Ah, sure, these things happen,” he said casually. “These things happen? That's a €30,000 car you've just turned into a shopping trolley!” McFinleyyy stopped walking. He had seen plenty of strange things in his time, but this was shaping up to be better than anything on television. The car owner suddenly spotted him. “You there! You look like ...

Govna’s Kitchen, Danny Boy’s Curry and the Usual Suspects Govna was in his element. There he was, standing in the kitchen, surveying the latest developments in what had become the longest-running renovation project since they built the pyramids. “My friends are round at the moment doing more work on the kitchen,” he announced proudly. “Off out later with Danny Boy for a curry and some pints. Are you up to much?” It was a perfectly reasonable question, although coming from Govna, it sounded suspiciously like an invitation to join a committee that nobody had asked to be part of. The kitchen, meanwhile, was entering another exciting phase. One friend was measuring something. Another was holding a piece of wood and looking at it as if it had personally offended him. A third was standing near the kettle, offering technical advice despite having no qualifications beyond watching a few videos online. Govna supervised from a safe distance. “That's not how I'd do it,” he dec...

STORM BOELO: STG. SALTY DECLARES WAR ON THE WEATHER When the wind picks up, the Misfits buckle up! The people of Ireland had barely recovered from the last bout of bad weather when the forecasters delivered another announcement. “Ladies and gentlemen, Storm Boelo is approaching!” In headquarters, Stg. Salty slowly lowered his pint. “Boelo? Who authorised another one? Can't we get a break from this carry-on?” Ye Olde Large Lad looked up from his sandwich. “It's the weather, Sarge. Nobody can control it.” Salty glared at him. “That's the sort of negative attitude that loses wars, Large Lad!” Within minutes, the Misfits were placed on maximum alert. Operation Keep the Beer Dry The Govna called an emergency meeting. Present were Stg. Salty, Big Al, Captain Morgan, McFinleyyy, Gov, Dannyboy and the rest of the usual suspects. “Right,” announced Salty. “Storm Boelo is coming. We need a plan.” Gov stood up. “I propose we establish a national committee to investigate th...