Applebys employee arrested

 YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT! 🥖

 Appleby's Employee Arrested Following Bizarre Baguette Incident

Disclaimer: This is a fictional satirical story from BigSaltyDog. All characters and events are imaginary.

Police were called to Appleby's restaurant yesterday afternoon following an extraordinary incident involving an employee, a French baguette and what one witness described as “behaviour that left absolutely nothing to the imagination.”

The employee, whose name has not been released in this entirely fictional investigation, was reportedly working in the kitchen when colleagues noticed something unusual happening behind the counter.

At first, nobody thought much of it. After all, Appleby's serves bread every day, and baguettes are hardly unusual in a restaurant.

But according to one alleged witness, things took a turn when the employee began behaving in a manner that caused the head chef to drop a tray of freshly prepared chips.

“I've worked in restaurants for twenty years,” the witness allegedly told our reporter. “I've seen food fights, kitchen fires and a man trying to pay for his dinner with Monopoly money. But I've never seen anything quite like this.”

Management immediately closed the kitchen and ushered customers into the dining area, where several were reportedly still waiting for their garlic bread.

One customer said he had initially assumed the commotion was part of a new promotional campaign.

“I thought they were making some sort of French bread special,” he explained. “Then I saw the manager running around looking like he'd just discovered the kitchen was being inspected by Gordon Ramsay.”

### The Police Arrive

Gardaí arrived shortly afterwards to investigate the alleged incident.

A fictional police spokesperson said officers were examining the circumstances surrounding the baguette and interviewing several members of staff.

“We take all complaints seriously,” the spokesperson said. “However, we would remind the public that bread products are not generally considered suspicious in themselves. It is the circumstances surrounding their use that may require further investigation.”

When asked whether the baguette had been recovered as evidence, the spokesperson declined to comment.

That did little to stop speculation.

Within an hour, the story had spread across social media, with people demanding answers to questions nobody had thought to ask before.

Was the baguette fresh or stale?

Had it been toasted?

And, perhaps most importantly, had anyone remembered to butter it?

Appleby's management issued a brief statement saying the restaurant had suspended the employee pending an internal investigation. They also reassured customers that all remaining bread products had been inspected and were perfectly safe for consumption.

 Enter Stg. Salty

Naturally, Stg. Salty couldn't resist getting involved.

Having heard the story from Ye Olde Large Lad, who claimed to know someone whose cousin once delivered bread to a restaurant, Salty arrived at the scene wearing his best serious expression.

“This is what happens when standards collapse,” he declared. “Back in my day, a baguette was a baguette. You sliced it, filled it, served it and got on with your life.”

Salty paused.

“Although, having said that, I would like to examine the evidence personally.”

When asked whether he had any relevant qualifications, he replied that he had once spent three weeks working in a sandwich shop before being dismissed for eating the stock.

Danny Boy, meanwhile, was more concerned about the practical implications.

“Does this mean they're still serving lunch?” he asked.

Nobody could give him a straight answer.

Govna later weighed in, saying he had no intention of getting involved until he understood exactly what had happened. He then asked whether anyone knew if the restaurant was doing a curry special that evening.

 The Final Twist

Just when the story appeared to be dying down, a new development emerged.

A member of the kitchen staff came forward to explain that the entire commotion may have begun because the employee had been attempting to demonstrate a new technique for preparing an oversized garlic bread sandwich.

Unfortunately, the demonstration had been interrupted by a manager who walked in at precisely the wrong moment.

The employee maintains that the baguette was simply part of a food-preparation exercise.

Police have not confirmed whether the explanation resolves the matter.

As for Stg. Salty, he has already announced plans to establish an independent Baguette Standards Committee.

Membership will cost €50, meetings will be held in the pub, and all refreshments must be supplied by the committee.

Asked whether this was really necessary, Salty was unequivocal.

“Absolutely. Someone has to get to the bottom of this.”

He then ordered a chicken fillet roll, two pints and a side of garlic bread.

The investigation continues.

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