Govna is renovating his kitchen

Govna’s Kitchen, Danny Boy’s Curry and the Usual Suspects

Govna was in his element.

There he was, standing in the kitchen, surveying the latest developments in what had become the longest-running renovation project since they built the pyramids.

“My friends are round at the moment doing more work on the kitchen,” he announced proudly. “Off out later with Danny Boy for a curry and some pints. Are you up to much?”

It was a perfectly reasonable question, although coming from Govna, it sounded suspiciously like an invitation to join a committee that nobody had asked to be part of.

The kitchen, meanwhile, was entering another exciting phase.

One friend was measuring something. Another was holding a piece of wood and looking at it as if it had personally offended him. A third was standing near the kettle, offering technical advice despite having no qualifications beyond watching a few videos online.

Govna supervised from a safe distance.

“That's not how I'd do it,” he declared.

“Then why don't you do it yourself?” one of his friends asked.

Govna laughed nervously.

“I'm overseeing the project. Every successful operation needs leadership.”

Somewhere in the background, a drill started up, followed by a loud bang and a word that would never appear in the official minutes of a government meeting.

Govna pretended not to hear it.

He had bigger plans.

That evening, he was meeting Danny Boy for a curry and a few pints. This was the sort of engagement Govna took seriously. Unlike kitchen renovations, it involved sitting down, eating food and drinking beer. Three activities in which he considered himself an internationally recognised expert.

Danny Boy had already been informed that Govna was available after six.

“Where are we going?” Danny Boy had asked.

“Somewhere decent,” Govna replied.

“That's helpful.”

“I'm the Govna, Danny. I don't organise the details. I approve the arrangements.”

Danny Boy sighed. He had heard this sort of nonsense before.

Their usual plan was simple. Meet at the pub, have a pint, discuss the state of the country, solve several international crises, then head for a curry. By the time the main course arrived, they would have fixed the economy, reformed the public service and decided that the country would be better run if everyone was given a free pint on Fridays.

Naturally, neither of them would remember the finer details the following morning.

Back at the kitchen, the workers were packing up their tools.

“Will you be here tomorrow?” Govna asked.

“Depends,” one replied. “Will you actually help?”

Govna looked offended.

“I've got a busy schedule.”

“Doing what?”

“Important engagements.”

“Like tonight's curry?”

“Exactly. National business.”

And with that, Govna headed off to prepare for his evening with Danny Boy.

Meanwhile, Stg. Salty had been listening to the whole saga and was struggling to understand how one man could turn a kitchen renovation into a major government department.

He shook his head.

“Some people work all day, then go home and relax. Govna gets other people to work all day, calls it leadership, and then goes out for a curry.”

Salty paused.

“Actually, that's not a bad system.”

He looked towards his Leopard 2 tank.

“Right, lads. Anyone fancy a few pints?”

There was silence.

Then Ye Olde Large Lad appeared from behind the shed.

“Who's paying?”

Salty turned slowly.

“Meeting adjourned.”

The moral of the story? If you've got friends willing to renovate your kitchen, never underestimate the importance of good leadership. And if Danny Boy is buying the curry, make sure you're available.

As for Govna, he had a kitchen under construction, a belly ready for a curry and a pint waiting somewhere in Dublin.

All in all, another successful day in public service.

BigSaltyDog — reporting on the important things in life, one pint at a time.