Denise Yummiezzz Richards meets the misfits

Denise Yummiezzzz Richards and the Misfits

When news broke that Hollywood actress Denise Richards was coming to town to promote her new book, Stg. Salty couldn't have been less interested. Reading, in his opinion, was something you did when the television broke or the pub was closed.

However, when Quags somehow managed to get tickets for the book signing, everything changed.

"Quags, how the hell did you manage that?" Stg. Salty asked, staring at the tickets.

"Don't ask me, Salty. I entered something online, clicked a few buttons, and here we are. I thought it was a competition to win a few pints!"

"Well, whatever you did, you've accidentally done something useful for once," Salty replied.

The Misfits were delighted. Sarah and Susan were particularly excited about meeting a genuine Hollywood star, while the lads were already arguing over who would get the best photograph.

Ye Olde Large Lad had suggested bringing a notebook in case Denise wanted to hear about his recent promotion to second-in-command. Fortunately, Susan talked him out of it.

On the day, the gang arrived at the book signing looking reasonably respectable, although Stg. Salty's idea of dressing smartly involved wearing a jacket without any visible food stains.

As they approached the table, Denise Richards greeted them with a lovely smile.

Stg. Salty stepped forward, clutching his book.

"Denise Yummiezzzz Richards!"

Sarah immediately closed her eyes.

"Oh God, here we go," she whispered.

Salty grinned from ear to ear.

"I just wanted to say that I absolutely loved you in Starship Troopers and Wild Things. Fantastic films! Absolutely Yummiezzzz!"

Denise laughed at his enthusiasm and thanked him for coming.

Quags, standing behind Salty, shook his head in disbelief.

"I still don't know how we got these tickets, but I'm beginning to think somebody made a serious administrative error."

"Shut it, Quags," Salty replied. "We're in the presence of Hollywood royalty!"

Susan stepped forward and introduced herself properly, while Sarah asked Denise about the book. For a brief moment, the Misfits behaved like perfectly normal people.

Then Salty ruined everything.

"Denise, if you ever need a security team for your next Hollywood premiere, we're available. I've got military experience, Ye Olde Large Lad is enormous, and Quags can apparently get us into places without knowing how!"

Quags stared at him.

"That's not a security team. That's a police investigation waiting to happen."

Even Denise was laughing now.

After signing the books, she posed for a photograph with the gang. Salty stood proudly beside her, wearing the expression of a man who had just secured a Hollywood contract.

Outside, McFinleyyy examined the photograph.

"Salty, you look like you're about to ask her to marry you."

"Don't be ridiculous," Salty replied. "I'm a professional."

"You're a professional something," Susan muttered.

Quags was still trying to work out how he'd obtained the tickets.

"Do you think they'll let us meet another celebrity next week?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Salty declared. "Quags, you're officially in charge of celebrity relations."

"Why me?"

"Because nobody knows how you got us in here in the first place!"

And so the Misfits departed, with signed books, photographs and another extraordinary story to tell.

As for Stg. Salty, he had already decided that his next mission was to get Denise Richards to visit the Salty Tank.

Whether Hollywood was ready for that particular encounter remained another matter entirely.

THE END

BigSaltyDog — Hollywood has never been the same since the Misfits arrived.