Vote for Russell Brand

 🇬🇧 THE MISFITS DISCOVER A NEW POLITICAL MOVEMENT – BRAND NEW POLITICS, SAME OLD MISFITS!

Stg. Salty was enjoying a relatively peaceful afternoon when McFinleyyy burst into headquarters waving his phone.

"Boss! Have you seen this? We've got a new political candidate!"

Salty looked up from his newspaper.

"Unless he's promising cheaper diesel, better roads and free pints, I'm not interested."

McFinleyyy shoved the phone across the desk.

There, in all its turquoise glory, was a rather extraordinary poster featuring Russell Brand, apparently announcing his candidacy for Reform UK. Underneath his name was a rather unfortunate reference to H.M.P. Belmarsh.

Salty nearly choked on his tea.

"Good grief. Is this a political campaign or the opening credits of a Netflix documentary?"

Within minutes, the Misfits had assembled.

Ye Olde Large Lad, currently recovering from his latest Spanish adventure, examined the poster carefully.

"I'll tell you something, lads. Politics is changing. When I was younger, candidates knocked on doors. Nowadays, apparently, they need a publicity department and a very good legal team."

Dannyboy nodded.

"What's his manifesto?"

Quags immediately produced a notebook.

"Number one: Free microphones. Number two: Unlimited talking time. Number three: Nobody interrupts the candidate."

Whizzley raised his hand.

"That's not a manifesto. That's just Russell's normal Tuesday."

Winkz was already laughing.

Sarah and Susan arrived shortly afterwards, both taking a closer look at the poster.

Susan shook her head.

"I think we'll need more than a nice suit and a confident photograph before anybody gets our vote."

Sarah added, "And preferably a proper explanation of what the policies actually are!"

Lucy and Laura agreed. They wanted to hear about housing, healthcare, women's safety, the cost of living and what politicians intended to do for ordinary people.

Dinkz, meanwhile, was investigating whether the campaign offered complimentary refreshments.

Ramadan Patel had taken a more analytical approach.

"Surely the first question is whether this poster is genuine?"

Salty nodded.

"Exactly. Internet posters aren't electoral certificates, lads. Until there's an official announcement, we'll file this under entertainment."

Vicky suggested organising a televised debate.

Govna immediately volunteered to chair it.

"Absolutely. I'll keep order. Anyone talking nonsense gets sent to the naughty corner."

"That could be a very long evening," remarked McFinleyyy.

Senior Salty wandered in, looked at the photograph and delivered his assessment.

"Too much hair. Not enough policy."

Senior Miguel simply asked whether there would be sandwiches.

The room fell silent.

Then Salty stood up.

"Listen carefully, everyone. Politics is serious business. People are struggling with bills, housing, transport and everyday expenses. They deserve politicians who can answer difficult questions, not simply produce impressive posters."

He paused.

"Although I wouldn't mind seeing the Govna running for office."

"WHAT'S MY FIRST POLICY?" shouted Govna.

"Free beer on Fridays?"

"YOU'RE HIRED!"

And so another political movement was born at BigSaltyDog headquarters.

Its slogan?

LESS TALK, MORE ACTION – AND SOMEBODY PLEASE SORT OUT THE PRICE OF DIESEL!

Whether Russell Brand ever makes it onto an actual ballot paper remains another question entirely.