The Adventures of McFinleyyy
Chapter 7: The Salty Tank Ride Home
The club eventually spat them out into the cool Dublin night, sweaty, victorious, and starving. Usually, this is where the Nitelink bus would come in—squashed seats, dodgy characters, kebab wrappers everywhere.
But not tonight.
Because Sgt. Salty had a surprise.
Enter the Leopard 2
As the squad stumbled onto Harcourt Street, the ground trembled. Headlights flared. And out of the shadows rolled a Leopard 2 Tank.
Painted matte black, glowing under the streetlights, and fitted with an LED strip that pulsed to the beat of Sandstorm. On the side, spray-painted in bold letters: “SALTY EXPRESS.”
The hatch opened. Salty popped his head out, aviators still on.
“Forget the Nitelink, lads. Elon Musk sent me the software. I installed it myself. This baby drives itself home.”
McFinleyyy gaped. “You’ve put Tesla autopilot… into a tank?”
Salty smirked. “With a few… upgrades.”
The Ride of Legends
They piled in—Sarah, Susan, Alicia, the lads—all laughing hysterically. Inside, the tank was shockingly plush: leather seats, cupholders, even a Bluetooth speaker blasting Mr. Brightside.
The self-driving system engaged, steering the tank smoothly down the quays. Dubliners stopped, jaws dropped, as a literal tank cruised past the Liffey, nightclub lights reflecting off its steel hull.
Ye Olde Large Lad toasted a kebab like it was a victory chalice. Winky leaned out the hatch, winking at pedestrians. Quags somehow fell asleep on the cannon.
And McFinleyyy? He sat back, arm around Alicia, grinning. “Only Salty would end a night like this.”
Final Toast
As the tank rolled into the suburbs, Salty raised one final pint.
“To Dublin. To chaos. To dancefloors and football. And to the squad that never quits.”
They all cheered. Even the autopilot beeped in approval.
And thus ended one of the greatest nights in McFinleyyy history.
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