Episode: Sgt. Salty & Gildig’s Car Hunt
Chapter 6 – Kia: The “Careful Lady Driver Special”
The next stop on their car crusade was the Springfield Kia Dealership. The place looked surprisingly modern — shiny banners, fresh coffee in the waiting area, and salespeople in matching polo shirts bouncing around like they’d just won the lottery.
Out front sat a Kia Sportage, gleaming in the sun. At first glance, it was promising. Salty tapped the bonnet.
“Looks decent, eh Gildig? Finally, something not built out of cornflakes and glue.”
But as they circled around the back, Gildig stopped dead.
“Eh, Salty… you might wanna look at this.”
The rear bumper was cracked clean in half, duct tape still dangling where someone had tried (and failed) to patch it. The rear panel was scuffed like a bumper car. On the windshield was a little sign: “One careful lady owner.”
Salty burst out laughing. “Careful?! She must’ve been driving backwards at NASCAR!”
A jittery salesman ran up, sweat dripping down his forehead.
“Oh no no, that’s just… minor cosmetic damage. Easily fixed. She barely touched a pole.”
Gildig squinted at the crater in the bumper. “Barely touched? Looks like she reversed into a tank!”
Salty, never missing a beat, leaned against the Kia. “Yummmiezzzz, I don’t mind a battle scar — but if I wanted a car that already lost a fight, I’d just buy Danny Boy’s bicycle!”
They slid inside for a test sit. The interior was comfy, clean-ish… except for a half-empty bottle of perfume rolling under the seat.
“Smells like Aunt Patty’s ashtray,” Gildig muttered.
Salty threw the salesman a smirk. “We’ll pass. Tell the ‘careful lady driver’ she owes me a pint for wasting my time.”
As they left, the bumper sagged lower and finally thudded onto the pavement. Nelson’s laugh echoed from across the street:
“Hah-HAAA!”
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#KiaCaper #CarefulLadyDriverMyFoot #BumperBasher #SaltyAndGildig #Yummmiezzzz #Splatttttt
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