The BigSaltyDog Halloween Special – The Misfits Go Haunted

🎃 The BigSaltyDog Halloween Special – The Misfits Go Haunted

It was Halloween night.

The wind was howling.

The trees were moving.

The moon was shining through the clouds.

And somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.

Stg. Salty looked out of the window.

“This is it,” he said.

Sarah looked up from the sofa.

“What is?”

“Halloween.”

“Yes, Salty. I’m aware of the date.”

“No, no. I mean proper Halloween. The sort where strange things happen.”

Susan walked into the room carrying a cup of tea.

“Something strange has already happened.”

Salty turned around.

“What?”

“You've been quiet for nearly five minutes.”

There was silence.

Salty looked offended.

“That’s not funny.”

“It was a little funny,” said Sarah.

The Misfits had gathered at Salty headquarters for what had been advertised as a quiet Halloween evening.

That was their first mistake.

There had never been a quiet evening involving the Misfits.

The plan was simple.

Pumpkins.

A few decorations.

Some Halloween food.

A scary film.

A few traditional Halloween games.

And everyone home before midnight.

Unfortunately, nobody had consulted Whizzley.

The Halloween Plan

Whizzley arrived carrying a large cardboard box.

“What’s that?” asked Stg. Salty.

“Special Halloween equipment.”

Salty looked suspicious.

“Define equipment.”

“Stuff.”

“That’s not a definition.”

Whizzley opened the box.

Inside were several plastic skeletons, a fog machine, fake cobwebs, a rubber spider, three vampire masks and something that looked remarkably like a severed hand.

Susan stared at it.

“Is that real?”

Whizzley looked at her.

“No.”

She picked it up.

“How do you know?”

“It’s plastic.”

She squeezed it.

The hand moved.

Susan dropped it.

Whizzley laughed.

“Got you!”

Susan stared at him.

“You have ten seconds to run.”

Whizzley ran.

Salty shook his head.

“Every year I say the same thing.”

Sarah looked at him.

“What?”

“We should have a normal Halloween.”

Sarah smiled.

“Maybe next year.”

Meanwhile, Ye Olde Large Lad had been given one simple job.

Put the pumpkins outside.

He returned ten minutes later.

There were no pumpkins.

Instead, he had arrived with a wheelbarrow full of potatoes.

Salty stared at him.

“Large Lad.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Where are the pumpkins?”

“I couldn't find them.”

“So you bought potatoes?”

“They were on special offer.”

Salty rubbed his forehead.

“It’s Halloween.”

“I thought we could carve the potatoes.”

Nobody said anything.

Large Lad looked around.

“What?”

The Haunted House

By seven o’clock, the place was decorated.

Well, sort of.

There were cobwebs hanging from the ceiling.

Plastic spiders on the walls.

A skeleton sitting in a chair.

And one enormous inflatable pumpkin blocking the front door.

Salty stood back and admired the decorations.

“Not bad.”

Sarah looked around.

“It actually looks quite good.”

Then the lights went out.

Everyone froze.

A loud noise came from upstairs.

THUMP.

Everyone looked at each other.

THUMP.

Another noise.

Then a long scraping sound.

Whizzley whispered:

“Ghost.”

Susan whispered back:

“Probably the heating.”

THUMP.

Large Lad stood up.

“I'll investigate.”

Salty grabbed his arm.

“Wait.”

Large Lad stopped.

Salty looked at everyone.

“We should go together.”

“Why?” asked Sarah.

“Because we're a team.”

“You’re frightened.”

“I am not frightened.”

“You’re hiding behind Large Lad.”

Salty moved out from behind him.

“I was checking his tactical position.”

Large Lad nodded seriously.

“Very important, Sir.”

They slowly made their way upstairs.

The corridor was dark.

The wind rattled the windows.

A door creaked open.

Nobody moved.

Then something appeared at the end of the corridor.

A white figure.

Tall.

Silent.

Floating towards them.

Sarah screamed.

Susan screamed.

Whizzley screamed.

Large Lad screamed.

Salty screamed.

Then the figure spoke.

“Why are you all standing there?”

Everyone stared.

It was Big Al.

He was wearing a white bedsheet.

Salty looked furious.

“Big Al!”

“What?”

“You nearly gave us a heart attack.”

Big Al removed the sheet.

“I was trying to be a ghost.”

“You looked like someone had forgotten to take the washing off the line.”

Big Al wasn't impressed.

“I spent twenty minutes making that.”

“It shows,” said Susan.

The Mysterious Noise

The group finally reached the top of the stairs.

The scraping noise had stopped.

Salty switched on his torch.

Nothing.

They checked the bathroom.

Nothing.

They checked the bedroom.

Nothing.

They checked the cupboard.

Nothing.

Then they heard it again.

SCRAPE.

Everyone jumped.

The sound was coming from the attic.

Salty looked at Large Lad.

“Open it.”

Large Lad looked at Salty.

“Why me?”

“You're second in command.”

“Exactly. Surely you should lead.”

Salty sighed.

“Fine.”

He climbed the ladder.

The attic door opened.

Dust floated through the air.

A strange smell filled the room.

Salty shone his torch around.

Then he saw something.

Two glowing eyes.

He froze.

The eyes moved.

Salty screamed.

The entire Misfit army ran downstairs.

A few seconds later, Salty appeared.

“It's a cat.”

There was silence.

A small black cat walked calmly down the stairs.

Sarah looked at Salty.

“You were frightened by a cat?”

“No.”

“You screamed.”

“I was warning everyone.”

“By screaming?”

“Exactly.”

The cat sat down.

Everyone stared at it.

The cat stared back.

Whizzley crouched down.

“Hello.”

The cat walked over and sat beside him.

Whizzley smiled.

“I think he likes me.”

The cat immediately bit him.

“OW!”

Salty laughed.

“Welcome to Halloween.”

The Halloween Feast

By nine o’clock, everyone was hungry.

The table was covered with Halloween food.

Sausage rolls.

Sandwiches.

Crisps.

Chocolate.

Cupcakes.

And something Susan had made.

Salty looked at it.

“What is that?”

“Pumpkin soup.”

Large Lad looked worried.

“Is it made from the pumpkins?”

“Yes.”

He slowly pushed his chair backwards.

Salty noticed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I may have eaten the pumpkins.”

Everyone turned around.

“You what?”

“The pumpkins I couldn't find.”

Susan stared at him.

“You used the pumpkins to make soup?”

Large Lad nodded.

“I thought they were squash.”

“They were pumpkins.”

“Still squash.”

Salty looked at the ceiling.

“Why do I bother?”

Then Sarah stood up.

“Hang on. We’re missing something.”

Salty looked worried.

“What?”

“The Halloween games.”

Whizzley immediately smiled.

“Oh yes.”

Salty narrowed his eyes.

“What games?”

Sarah looked at Susan.

Susan looked at Sarah.

Both smiled.

“Bobbing for apples,” they said together.

Salty sighed.

“Of course.”

The Great Apple-Bobbing Disaster 🍎

Whizzley appeared with a large basin of water.

“Right. Who's first?”

Sarah immediately stepped forward.

“I am.”

Susan followed.

“Me too.”

Salty looked suspicious.

“You two seem remarkably excited about this.”

Sarah smiled innocently.

“What do you mean?”

“I don't know. You just seem very enthusiastic.”

Susan laughed.

“It’s a harmless Halloween game, Salty.”

“Of course it is.”

The apples were dropped into the water.

Sarah leaned over the basin and tried to grab one with her teeth.

She missed.

Susan burst out laughing.

“Come on, Sarah!”

Sarah tried again.

Nothing.

“It’s moving!”

Susan laughed even harder.

“That’s generally what apples do when you put them in water.”

Sarah finally managed to catch one.

She stood up triumphantly, soaking wet.

“I got it!”

Everyone cheered.

Whizzley applauded.

Salty shook his head.

“I’ve never seen so much excitement over an apple.”

Susan stepped forward.

“My turn.”

She leaned over the basin.

Sarah stood beside her.

“Come on, Susan!”

Susan tried to catch an apple.

She missed.

Again.

And again.

Then suddenly she grabbed one.

She lifted her head with the apple firmly between her teeth.

Everyone cheered.

Salty looked at Sarah.

“You really do love this game, don’t you?”

Sarah smiled.

“Oh yes.”

Susan nodded.

“Absolutely.”

Salty raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve got a feeling there’s a joke here somewhere.”

Whizzley immediately shouted:

“Don’t go there, Salty!”

Everyone burst out laughing.

Salty grinned.

“I’m saying nothing.”

Ye Olde Large Lad looked completely confused.

“What joke?”

Everyone went quiet.

Sarah looked at Susan.

Susan looked at Sarah.

Whizzley looked at Salty.

Salty looked at Large Lad.

“Never mind, Large Lad.”

“Why?”

“Because explaining it would take all night.”

Large Lad nodded.

“Fair enough.”

He picked up an apple.

“I’ll have one.”

He put it in his mouth.

The apple immediately fell into the basin.

Large Lad stared at it.

“It’s slippery.”

Salty sighed.

“That’s the idea.”

The Misfits erupted into laughter.

And somehow, the simple Halloween game of bobbing for apples had become another completely ridiculous Misfit tradition.

Nobody knew how.

Nobody knew why.

But Sarah and Susan certainly seemed to enjoy it.

And Salty?

He was saying absolutely nothing.

For once.

The Scariest Part of Halloween

At ten o’clock, they decided to watch a horror film.

Everyone settled down.

The lights were switched off.

The television started.

A dark house appeared on the screen.

A door slowly opened.

Everyone watched.

A strange noise came from behind them.

Everyone turned around.

Nothing.

They looked back at the television.

The door on the screen slowly opened further.

Then—

BANG!

Everyone jumped.

Whizzley threw popcorn into the air.

Susan grabbed Sarah.

Sarah grabbed Salty.

Salty grabbed Large Lad.

Large Lad grabbed the nearest cushion.

The cushion turned out to be Big Al.

“Get off me!”

“Sorry.”

“What are you doing?”

“Protecting myself.”

“By grabbing me?”

“It was instinct.”

Then the real horror happened.

The television went black.

The room was silent.

Salty pressed the remote.

Nothing.

He pressed it again.

Nothing.

Whizzley checked the plug.

“It’s not plugged in.”

Everyone stared at him.

“What?”

“You unplugged the television.”

Whizzley looked embarrassed.

“Ah.”

Salty stood up.

“Right. That’s enough Halloween.”

The Final Surprise

Just before midnight, everyone went outside.

The sky was clear.

The moon was bright.

The garden was quiet.

For once, nobody was shouting.

Nobody was running.

Nobody was setting off a fog machine.

It was actually peaceful.

Salty looked around.

“You know what?”

Sarah smiled.

“What?”

“This has actually been a good Halloween.”

Susan nodded.

“I agree.”

Large Lad looked pleased.

“No major incidents.”

Whizzley nodded.

“Nothing went wrong.”

There was a pause.

Then a loud noise came from behind them.

Everyone turned.

The plastic skeleton that had been sitting on the garden chair was moving.

Slowly.

Its head turned.

Everyone froze.

The skeleton stood up.

Sarah screamed.

Susan screamed.

Large Lad reached for his imaginary weapon.

Whizzley ran towards the house.

Salty stood completely still.

The skeleton walked towards them.

Closer.

Closer.

Then it spoke.

“Happy Halloween.”

Everyone stared.

The skeleton removed its head.

It was McFinleyyy.

Salty looked at him.

“How long have you been wearing that?”

“Three hours.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to scare everyone.”

Salty shook his head.

“You nearly succeeded.”

McFinleyyy laughed.

Then the black cat jumped onto his shoulder.

McFinleyyy screamed.

Everyone burst out laughing.

The cat calmly climbed down and disappeared into the darkness.

Salty looked at the Misfits.

“Well, that's Halloween finished.”

Whizzley looked at him.

“Same time next year?”

Salty thought about it.

“No.”

Everyone laughed.

Salty smiled.

“Absolutely.”

And with that, the Misfits went back inside.

The pumpkins were eaten.

The sweets had disappeared.

The television still wasn't working.

There was fake cobweb hanging from Salty’s hair.

Large Lad was eating another potato.

Sarah and Susan were still arguing about who had won the apple-bobbing competition.

Whizzley was trying to get the cat to come back.

And somewhere outside, the mysterious black cat was sitting on the wall, watching the whole lot.

Perhaps it was just a cat.

Perhaps it wasn't.

Nobody really knew.

But one thing was certain.

When the Misfits get together for Halloween, you don't need ghosts, monsters or haunted houses.

You just need to give Whizzley a fog machine, put apples in a basin and leave Ye Olde Large Lad anywhere near the pumpkins.

Then run.

Happy Halloween from BigSaltyDog and all the Misfits. 🎃👻

Stay safe. Keep the sweets hidden. And whatever you do, don't let Large Lad near the pumpkins.