Ireland vs Israel

Ireland v Israel – The Football Match That Somehow Became a Full-Scale Salty Operation

Ireland v Israel - The Football Match That Somehow Became a Full-Scale Salty Operation

Stg. Salty, the Misfits and the Most Complicated Football Match in Ireland

Welcome to Ireland v Israel.

The Republic of Ireland face Israel in the UEFA Nations League on Sunday, 27 September, with the match being played at the Nagyerdei Stadion in Debrecen, Hungary.

Kick-off is 7.45pm Irish time.

Ireland arrive in Hungary after losing 1-0 to Kosovo in their opening Nations League match, while Israel also lost their opening fixture, going down 3-1 to Austria.

So, purely from a footballing perspective, both teams have something to prove.

Unfortunately, this is not purely a footballing story.

Not even remotely.

The fixture has become surrounded by political debate, controversy, strong opinions, player discussions, security considerations and enough arguments to keep social media occupied until Christmas.

That was before Stg. Salty got involved.

THE SALTY COMMAND CENTRE

At approximately 9.03am on Sunday morning, Stg. Salty entered the BigSaltyDog command centre.

The command centre was actually his sitting room.

There was a television.

There was a sofa.

There was a kettle.

There were several packets of crisps.

And there was Ye Olde Large Lad standing beside a gigantic map.

Salty stopped.

He stared at the map.

He stared at Ye Olde Large Lad.

Then he looked at the map again.

"What's that?"

"Operational map, Sir."

"It's football."

"Yes, Sir."

"So why have you got a map?"

"Football is unpredictable."

"So is your brain."

"Thank you, Sir."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Understood."

Ye Olde Large Lad immediately marked Debrecen with a red pen.

"What's that?"

"Objective."

"Football match."

"Objective."

"Ye Olde Large Lad."

"Yes, Sir?"

"Nobody is invading Hungary."

He reluctantly put the red pen down.

THE MATCH THAT HAS EVERYTHING

The Republic of Ireland are in Nations League Group B3 alongside Austria, Kosovo and Israel.

The campaign is already under way.

Ireland lost 1-0 away to Kosovo.

Austria defeated Israel 3-1.

Now Ireland and Israel meet in Debrecen.

Then Ireland return to Dublin to face Austria on 1 October.

And four days later, Ireland face Israel again.

Except that second match won't actually be in Dublin.

The FAI confirmed earlier this year that the Ireland v Israel fixture on 4 October would be played at the TSC Arena in Bačka Topola, Serbia, at a neutral venue and behind closed doors.

Yes.

You read that correctly.

Ireland are playing Israel twice.

Both matches are taking place away from both countries.

And the second one is behind closed doors.

If somebody wrote this as a football comedy script, the producer would probably say:

"That's too unrealistic."

ENTER THE MISFITS

Sarah arrived carrying tea.

Susan arrived carrying biscuits.

Whizzley arrived carrying a whistle.

Stg. Salty immediately pointed at him.

"No."

"I haven't done anything."

"You've got a whistle."

"I like whistles."

"No."

"Could I be referee?"

"No."

"Fourth official?"

"No."

"Linesman?"

"No."

"Ball boy?"

"No."

"Programme seller?"

"No."

"Hot-dog vendor?"

Salty paused.

"Maybe."

Whizzley smiled.

"Excellent."

Susan looked at Salty.

"You've just created another problem."

"I know."

THE REAL STORY

The FAI confirmed on Saturday that the Ireland-Israel fixtures would be fulfilled.

According to the FAI, the players held different views on the issue, but a majority expressed the view that the fixtures should be played.

The Association said it respected the different views among the players and acknowledged the sensitivity surrounding the fixtures.

That is an important detail.

Because footballers aren't robots.

They are individuals.

They can have different opinions.

They can disagree with one another.

And they can still play together for the same national team.

Meanwhile, outside the squad, the wider debate surrounding Israel, Palestine and the conflict in Gaza has made these fixtures exceptionally sensitive.

There have been calls for Ireland to withdraw from the matches.

There have also been arguments about UEFA regulations, sporting responsibilities and whether football associations should take action over issues beyond football.

Those debates are not going away simply because a referee blows a whistle.

But tonight, the players still have a match to play.

STG. SALTY BECOMES A TACTICAL GENIUS

Salty picked up the television remote.

"I've been thinking."

Everyone immediately became nervous.

"I've worked out Ireland's tactics."

Sarah sighed.

"Here we go."

"We play football."

Susan looked impressed.

"That's actually fairly sensible."

"Then we score."

"Brilliant."

"Then we don't let them score."

"Revolutionary."

"Then we score again."

Whizzley raised his hand.

"What if they score?"

Salty looked at him.

"Whizzley."

"Yes?"

"Don't make things complicated."

THE IRELAND SQUAD

Ireland manager Heimir Hallgrímsson named a 26-man squad for the Nations League campaign.

There have been some changes because of injuries, including the loss of captain Nathan Collins.

Killian Phillips was subsequently called into the squad after Jamie McGrath and Harvey Vale withdrew through injury.

The squad contains a mixture of experienced players and younger faces.

Caoimhin Kelleher.

Gavin Bazunu.

Jake O'Brien.

Dara O'Shea.

Liam Scales.

Finn Azaz.

Jason Knight.

Jayson Molumby.

Troy Parrott.

Adam Idah.

Tom Cannon.

Chiedozie Ogbene.

In other words, Ireland have enough footballers to form a decent-sized five-a-side tournament.

Although Ye Olde Large Lad insists five-a-side should include "at least two substitutes and a tactical reserve unit."

Nobody knows what a tactical reserve unit is.

Nobody wants to find out.

THE MAP INCIDENT

At 11.14am, Sarah discovered Ye Olde Large Lad's map.

"Why have you drawn arrows across Hungary?"

"Strategic movement."

"You're watching football."

"Yes."

"From a sofa."

"Yes."

"So why do we need strategic movement?"

"In case Salty needs snacks."

Sarah stared at him.

"That's actually the most useful thing you've said all morning."

Ye Olde Large Lad nodded proudly.

"I was trained for this."

WHIZZLEY'S MASTER PLAN

Meanwhile, Whizzley had developed his own strategy.

He called it:

OPERATION RUN VERY FAST

The plan consisted of three stages.

Stage One:

Run very fast.

Stage Two:

Run even faster.

Stage Three:

Nobody knows because Whizzley hadn't thought that far ahead.

He presented it to Salty.

Salty read the document.

"What's this?"

"My tactical plan."

"You've written 'RUN' 46 times."

"That's the strategy."

"Anything else?"

"No."

Salty handed it back.

"Excellent."

Whizzley beamed.

"Really?"

"No."

---

WHY THIS MATCH FEELS DIFFERENT

There is something undeniably unusual about this fixture.

Ireland's first match against Israel is being played in Debrecen, Hungary.

The second is being played in Serbia.

The FAI previously said the decision to move the October fixture from Dublin followed operational challenges that could affect the delivery of the match on home soil.

The October fixture will be played behind closed doors.

That means no normal Aviva Stadium atmosphere.

No packed stands.

No huge roar when Ireland win a corner.

No 40,000 people simultaneously shouting at the referee.

And definitely no BigSaltyDog correspondent sitting three rows behind the manager shouting:

"PLAY BALL!"

THE ARMCHAIR MANAGERS ARRIVE

By lunchtime, the BigSaltyDog social media department had exploded.

Everyone had a formation.

Everyone had a solution.

Everyone knew exactly who should start.

Everyone knew exactly who should be substituted.

Everyone knew exactly what Ireland had done wrong.

Nobody had actually been asked.

Salty looked at the comments.

"Why does everyone think they're a manager?"

Susan shrugged.

"Because football."

Salty nodded.

"Fair point."

Then he wrote his own team selection.

Goalkeeper:

Someone good.

Defenders:

People who defend.

Midfielders:

People who run.

Attackers:

People who score.

Substitutes:

The others.

Ye Olde Large Lad stared at it.