The Salty top ten news articles today
📰 THE BIGSALTYDOG NEWS — 11 AUGUST 2026
The Salty times, for the Salty Times we live in, come on, you know I'm right!
Ten Headlines That Were Begging to Be Parodied
WARNING: The BigSaltyDog News Department has once again been allowed access to the internet.
This is normally where sensible journalists tell you what happened in the world.
Unfortunately, Salty has been appointed Editor-in-Chief.
There will therefore be absolutely no further guarantees.
Grab a cup of tea, hide the remote control and prepare yourself for today's Top 10 BigSaltyDog News Parodies.
---
1. 🚌 Dublin BUS CATCHES FIRE — PASSENGERS TOLD TO REMAIN CALM
A Dublin bus caught fire today, with emergency services attending the scene.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
Dublin Bus announces exciting new "hop-on, hop-off barbecue experience".
Passengers were reportedly confused when smoke began pouring from the bus.
One passenger allegedly asked:
«"Is this part of the Leap Card?"»
The driver, remaining remarkably calm, reportedly announced:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we appear to have encountered a slight technical difficulty."
A passenger replied:
"A slight difficulty? The bloody bus is on fire!"
Management has since confirmed that the vehicle will be examined.
Salty has already volunteered to conduct the investigation.
His conclusion:
"It needs a bit more water."
---
2. 🏆 Donegal MOURNS GAA HERO James McHUGH
The GAA community is mourning former Donegal All-Ireland winner James McHugh.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY CALLS FOR NATIONAL DAY OF TEA, BISCUITS AND GAA STORIES
In a rare moment of seriousness, Salty has ordered BigSaltyDog headquarters to lower the flag and put the kettle on.
Today's story isn't really one for jokes.
Instead, Salty's official statement reads:
"Fair play to James. A Donegal All-Ireland winner, a football man and clearly someone who gave plenty to the game. Today we'll leave the nonsense aside."
Then Ye Olde Large Lad walked into the room.
"Is there cake?"
Salty:
"GET OUT."
And so, for once, BigSaltyDog respectfully raises a glass to a Donegal football great.
---
3. ☀️ ENGLAND BRACES FOR 38°C HEAT
Parts of England are facing extreme heat, with temperatures potentially reaching around 38°C.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
Britain DISCOVERS SUN — NATIONAL EMERGENCY DECLARED
Britain has officially entered the "too bloody hot" phase of summer.
Citizens have been advised to stay hydrated, avoid excessive heat and possibly remain indoors.
Meanwhile, Salty has been spotted outside wearing sunglasses, shorts and a dressing gown.
"I'm grand," he announced.
Five minutes later:
"WHO TURNED THE SUN ON?"
The Met Office has reportedly issued a further warning:
Do not leave Ye Olde Large Lad in a parked car.
Not because he'll overheat.
Because he'll eat the entire contents of the glove compartment.
---
4. 🇺🇸 TRUMP AND Washington — CRIME CRACKDOWN CONTINUES
Donald Trump continues to make crime and security in Washington, D.C. a major political issue.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY VOLUNTEERS TO CLEAN UP WASHINGTON
Following reports about crime and disorder in Washington, Salty has offered the United States government a revolutionary solution.
A BIGSALTYDOG CLEAN-UP.
He arrived wearing a high-vis jacket, carrying a litter picker and accompanied by Buffyra.
Trump allegedly asked:
"Who is this guy?"
Salty replied:
"I'm here to clean up the place."
Trump:
"How long will it take?"
Salty looked around.
"About three weeks."
Buffyra interrupted:
"Three years, more like."
Salty:
"You're fired."
Buffyra:
"I don't work for you."
Salty:
"You're promoted."
---
5. 💉 U.S. CHILDHOOD VACCINE POLICY CAUSES FRESH CONTROVERSY
President Trump has signed an order aimed at changing childhood vaccination recommendations, prompting criticism from public-health experts.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY DISCOVERS THE INTERNET HAS 47 MILLION MEDICAL EXPERTS
Salty has announced that he has completed a medical degree.
Unfortunately, the university was YouTube.
He now considers himself qualified in:
- Medicine
- International diplomacy
- Plumbing
- Football management
- Weather forecasting
- And determining whether something in the fridge is still safe to eat.
Buffyra asked him:
"What's your medical qualification?"
Salty:
"I once watched an episode of House."
Buffyra:
"You're an idiot."
Salty:
"That's Doctor Idiot to you."
---
6. 🇫🇷 FRANCE DECLARES WAR ON UNSOLICITED SALES CALLS
France has introduced a ban on unsolicited telemarketing calls, backed by significant fines for companies that ignore the rules.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY IMMEDIATELY MOVES TO FRANCE
Salty has announced that France is now officially his favourite country.
Why?
Because nobody is allowed to ring him up asking whether he wants to change his broadband.
Yesterday, a mysterious number called.
Salty answered.
"Hello, sir, we're calling about—"
CLICK.
The phone rang again.
CLICK.
Again.
CLICK.
Eventually Salty answered:
"LISTEN, I'M VERY BUSY."
Caller:
"Sir, we're calling from your bank."
Salty:
"Oh."
Silence.
"What do you want?"
---
7. 🎮 SAUDI-LED GROUP BUYS ELECTRONIC ARTS FOR $55 BILLION
Electronic Arts, the company behind games including The Sims, Madden and Battlefield, has been acquired in a deal valued at about $55 billion.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY BUYS EA — IMMEDIATELY DEMANDS "BIGSALTYDOG FC"
Salty has announced that he has purchased the world's biggest gaming company.
The purchase price?
€14.50 and a bag of crisps.
EA executives apparently rejected the offer.
Salty then offered:
€15.
Rejected again.
Finally, he brought out his secret weapon:
Ye Olde Large Lad.
The negotiations lasted approximately 11 seconds.
Salty now owns the company.
His first game?
BIG SALTY: WARS
Players must:
- Clean up the neighbourhood
- Defeat the Rubbish Goblin
- Avoid the Brambles
- Rescue Purty
- Find Salty's missing G&T
- And defeat the final boss:
THE ENDLESS MEETING.
---
8. 🇦🇺 AUSTRALIA HOLDS INTEREST RATES
Australia's central bank has held its cash rate at 4.35%, while warning that further rate rises could still be possible.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY HEARS "INTEREST RATE" AND IMMEDIATELY LOSES INTEREST
Salty has announced his own economic policy.
Interest rates: 0%.
Inflation?
"Not my problem."
House prices?
"Build more houses."
Tax?
"Absolutely not."
National debt?
"Put it on the card."
The Central Bank has reportedly asked Salty to stop giving financial advice.
Salty's response:
"Fine. I'll become Minister for G&T."
Markets immediately crashed.
---
9. 🇵🇭 SARA DUTERTE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL CONTINUES
The impeachment trial of Philippine Vice President Sara Duterte is continuing in the Philippines.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY ANNOUNCES HIS OWN IMPEACHMENT TRIAL
Salty has apparently been dragged before a special committee.
Charges include:
1. Excessive use of the word "Salty".
2. Parking the Leopard 2 where he shouldn't.
3. Eating the last biscuit.
4. Claiming that "I'll only have one G&T."
5. Refusing to attend committee meetings.
Salty's defence?
"I was busy."
The judge:
"Doing what?"
Salty:
"Nothing."
Judge:
"That's not a defence."
Salty:
"It's worked for politicians for years."
The court was adjourned.
---
10. ⚽ FOOTBALL TRANSFER CHAOS — BARCELONA AND LIVERPOOL
Football transfer news continues to dominate the headlines, with clubs making dramatic moves in the transfer market.
BIGSALTYDOG VERSION:
SALTY SIGNS FOR BARCELONA — TRANSFER COLLAPSES WITHIN 14 MINUTES
Barcelona have reportedly made an astonishing late move for Salty.
The club's manager allegedly said:
"We need experience."
Salty immediately signed.
Unfortunately, nobody asked him whether he could play football.
He cannot.
His tactical instructions are:
"Run after the ball."
His first training session lasted eight minutes.
His first touch went into the car park.
His second touch hit the manager.
His third touch landed in Ireland.
Barcelona have now cancelled the transfer.
Salty isn't bothered.
He has announced:
"I'm going into management."
---
🍺 AND THAT'S THE BIGSALTYDOG NEWS
So there we have it.
Another perfectly normal day on Planet Earth.
A bus catches fire.
England is melting.
France has had enough of cold callers.
Australia is wrestling with interest rates.
America is arguing about Washington and vaccines.
Saudi Arabia buys a gaming giant.
Football clubs buy, sell and loan footballers as though they're trading Pokémon cards.
And somewhere in the middle of it all, Salty has apparently become a medical expert, international diplomat, football manager, economic adviser and professional troublemaker.
Nobody knows how.
Nobody knows why.
And frankly...
nobody is brave enough to ask.
This has been BigSaltyDog News™.
Tomorrow's forecast:
90% chance of nonsense.
100% chance of Salty.
And a very strong possibility that Ye Olde Large Lad has eaten all the biscuits.
GOODNIGHT. 🐕🧂🍺
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