Episode: Sgt. Salty & Gildig’s Car Hunt
Chapter 3 – Opel: The Spongey Saga
Sgt. Salty and Gildig Maxwell strutted into Opel Springfield, greeted by none other than Barney Gumble in a half-buttoned shirt.
“Welcome to Opel… burp… can I interest you gents in a test drive? The Astra is a smooth operator!”
“Smooth operator?” Salty raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see about that.”
Moments later, they were on the road in a shiny silver Opel Astra. Salty pressed the brake at the first junction.
SPONGE.
The pedal sank like it was made of jelly.
“FFS! These brakes are softer than Moe’s sponge cake!” Salty barked.
Gildig, clinging to the dashboard, added, “I’ve squeezed firmer tomatoes!”
Salty floored the accelerator. The Astra groaned and reluctantly crawled forward.
“Pickup speed’s poorer than Grandpa Simpson on a Monday morning!” Salty laughed, wheyyyyyy echoing down the street.
Barney hiccuped from the back seat. “It’s a family car, not a rocket ship…”
Salty smirked. “Even my shopping trolley has more thrust.”
Back at the lot, they swapped into the Opel Mokka. The verdict?
“Average,” Gildig yawned. “Like a plain doughnut without sprinkles.”
Salty tapped the wheel. “Aye, it doesn’t offend me… but it doesn’t excite me either. Like kissing your cousin — safe, but boring.”
Barney blinked, then muttered, “That’ll be $199 a month.”
Salty waved him off. “Keep it, lad. I’d rather jog home in flip-flops.”
The two stormed out, leaving Barney sprawled across the Astra’s bonnet, mumbling, “Employee of the decade… burp…”
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#OpelAdventures #SpongeyBrakes #AstraDisaster #MokkaMeh #SaltyOnTestDrive #Destroyizzzzz
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