The Misfits vs Artificial Intelligence
The Misfits vs Artificial Intelligence 🤖
It started with Stg. Salty making what he described as a perfectly sensible decision.
This was the first mistake.
“Right, lads,” said Salty, standing in the Misfits' headquarters with a laptop under his arm. “I've decided we're getting ourselves some Artificial Intelligence.”
Everyone stopped what they were doing.
Ye Olde Large Lad looked up from his Hawaiian shirt catalogue.
McFinleyyy stopped eating.
Quags looked suspicious.
Dinkz folded his arms.
Sarah, Susan and Lucy exchanged glances.
Whizzley simply stared at Salty.
“What?” said Salty.
“You're giving the Misfits artificial intelligence?” asked Sarah.
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Because apparently it's brilliant.”
“What does it do?”
“Everything.”
There was silence.
McFinleyyy raised his hand.
“Does it make sandwiches?”
Salty sighed.
“Not everything, McFinleyyy.”
The plan was simple. Salty had discovered a new AI system that could answer questions, organise information, write things, translate languages, analyse pictures and apparently understand practically anything a human could throw at it.
Naturally, Salty thought it would be perfect for the Misfits.
Within approximately six minutes, he realised his mistake.
---
The First Conversation
Salty opened the AI.
“Right. Let's test it.”
He typed:
Hello. We are the Misfits.
The AI replied immediately.
Hello! How can I help you today?
Salty smiled.
“See? Perfect.”
McFinleyyy leaned over.
“Ask it what we're having for dins.”
Salty typed:
What are we having for dins?
The AI paused.
Then:
Could you clarify what you mean by "dins"?
Everyone looked at McFinleyyy.
McFinleyyy looked offended.
“Dins!”
Salty typed:
He means dinner.
The AI replied:
Thank you for clarifying. What would you like to have for dinner?
McFinleyyy thought about it.
“Chicken fillet roll.”
Salty typed it.
The AI responded:
A chicken fillet roll is a popular Irish deli item. Would you like nutritional information or a recipe?
McFinleyyy stared at the screen.
“No.”
The AI replied:
Could you clarify?
“NO.”
The AI replied:
Understood.
McFinleyyy pointed at Salty.
“It doesn't understand me.”
Salty nodded.
“Give it time.”
---
The Misfit Language
The problem became obvious over the next few days.
The AI understood English.
It understood American English.
It understood British English.
It understood technical language.
It understood complicated scientific terminology.
But it had absolutely no idea what the Misfits were talking about.
Salty typed:
McFinleyyy has gone for dins.
AI:
I understand that McFinleyyy has gone for dinner.
Salty:
No, he's gone for dins.
AI:
Yes. Dins is apparently an informal term for dinner.
Salty:
Correct.
AI:
Then why did you correct me?
Salty stared at the screen.
“It's getting cheeky.”
McFinleyyy wandered back into the room.
“Salty, where's the sambos?”
AI:
What are "sambos"?
McFinleyyy looked at the laptop.
“Sandwiches.”
AI:
Thank you.
McFinleyyy nodded.
“Grand.”
AI:
Would you like a sandwich?
McFinleyyy looked impressed.
“Actually, yeah.”
Salty nearly fell off his chair.
“It's learning!”
---
Then Quags Arrived
Quags walked into the room.
“What's the craic?”
AI:
Could you clarify what you mean by "craic"?
Quags looked at Salty.
“What?”
Salty explained.
“It's asking what you mean by craic.”
Quags looked genuinely confused.
“The craic is the craic.”
AI:
This response does not provide sufficient contextual information to determine the meaning.
Quags looked at the screen.
“Are you taking the piss?”
AI:
I don't experience physical actions or emotions, so I cannot take anything.
The room went completely silent.
Dinkz burst out laughing.
Quags pointed at the laptop.
“Right. I don't like this thing.”
---
Ye Olde Large Lad Tests It
Ye Olde Large Lad decided he could do better.
He leaned towards the screen.
“What's the story, AI?”
AI:
Could you clarify which story you are referring to?
“Ah here.”
AI:
I'm here. How can I assist?
“Will you stop?”
AI:
Certainly.
Ye Olde Large Lad walked away.
Two seconds later he returned.
“Did you understand any of that?”
AI:
Yes.
“What did I say?”
AI:
You asked me what story I was referring to.
Ye Olde Large Lad stared at Salty.
“It thinks I'm normal.”
Salty nodded.
“That could be a serious problem.”
---
Dinkz Breaks the System
Eventually Dinkz decided to have a go.
He looked at the screen.
“Right.”
AI:
Hello, Dinkz. How can I help?
Dinkz paused.
“Grand.”
AI:
What would you like assistance with?
Dinkz:
“Nothing.”
AI:
Understood.
Dinkz:
“Sound.”
AI:
Could you clarify what you mean by "sound"?
Dinkz:
“Sound.”
AI:
Do you mean audio, noise, or are you using "sound" as an expression meaning satisfactory or acceptable?
Dinkz smiled.
“Sound.”
AI:
I believe I understand.
Dinkz walked away.
Salty looked impressed.
“Dinkz has actually defeated it.”
---
The Tank Problem
Then came the biggest test.
Salty decided to introduce the AI to the Misfits' most important possession.
The Leopard 2.
He typed:
We have a Leopard 2 tank.
AI:
Are you referring to the German Leopard 2 main battle tank?
Salty:
“Yes.”
AI:
Understood. What would you like to know about it?
Salty:
“It's ours.”
AI:
I understand that you are saying you possess one.
Salty:
“Correct.”
AI:
Is this a fictional scenario?
Salty:
“No.”
AI:
That seems unusual.
Salty smiled.
“Finally.”
AI:
Why?
“Because you've finally realised you're dealing with the Misfits.”
---
The AI Attempts to Join the Misfits
Things took an unexpected turn when Sarah suggested the AI should actually become part of the group.
Salty liked the idea.
“Good thinking.”
He typed:
Would you like to join the Misfits?
AI:
What would that involve?
Salty:
“Going on adventures.”
AI:
What kind of adventures?
Quags:
“Whatever happens.”
AI:
That sounds unpredictable.
Whizzley:
“Exactly.”
AI:
What are the group's rules?
Everyone looked at Salty.
Salty thought carefully.
“Rule number one: don't ask too many questions.”
AI:
That's ironic.
Everyone froze.
Salty slowly looked at the screen.
“Did you just make a joke?”
AI:
Possibly.
McFinleyyy grinned.
“I like it.”
---
The Final Test
Salty decided there was one final test.
He gathered everyone around the laptop.
“Right. Everyone talk normally.”
Sarah looked at Susan.
“You go first.”
Susan shrugged.
“Are we going out later?”
Lucy said:
“Maybe.”
Quags said:
“Depends on the craic.”
Dinkz said:
“Sound.”
Whizzley said:
“Grand.”
Ye Olde Large Lad said:
“I'm starving.”
McFinleyyy said:
“Dins?”
Salty nodded.
“Perfect.”
The AI processed everything.
For several seconds there was complete silence.
Then the response appeared:
I have analysed the conversation.
Everyone leaned closer.
I believe the group is discussing whether they should go somewhere later, but the destination is unknown. There is also a reference to food.
McFinleyyy looked delighted.
“YES!”
Salty smiled.
“See?”
The AI continued.
However, I am unable to determine what "the craic" means in this particular context.
Quags nodded.
“Fair enough.”
The AI continued:
I am also uncertain why "sound", "grand", "dins", "sambos" and "what's the story" are being used in this manner.
Dinkz smiled.
“Welcome to the Misfits.”
There was a pause.
Then the AI responded:
I think I'm beginning to understand.
Salty leaned back.
“Excellent.”
AI:
You are all completely mad.
Everyone looked at each other.
McFinleyyy nodded.
“Sound.”
The AI immediately replied:
I still don't know what that means.
And that was how Artificial Intelligence finally met the Misfits.
It could process billions of pieces of information.
It could write essays.
It could analyse photographs.
It could translate languages.
It could answer complicated questions.
But nobody had prepared it for McFinleyyy asking for dins, Quags asking what's the craic, Dinkz saying sound, Ye Olde Large Lad being hungry and Stg. Salty driving a Leopard 2 into the middle of the situation.
The AI had conquered almost everything.
Almost.
It had met the Misfits.
And frankly...
It wasn't ready.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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