The Misfits Get Ripped, Cut to Bits and SAVAGED! — The Salty Fitness Revolution

The Misfits Get Ripped, Cut to Bits and SAVAGED! — The Salty Fitness Revolution

There are certain moments in life when you suddenly realise something has to change.

For some people, it is looking in the mirror.

For others, it is stepping on the scales.

For the Misfits, it was McFinleyyy trying to climb a flight of stairs and needing a three-minute recovery period at the top.

That was the moment Stg. Salty decided enough was enough.

The Misfits were getting fit.

Not ordinary fit either.

Salty wanted the sort of fitness associated with those glorious 1980s action films where the hero could run through a jungle carrying a machine gun, punch a concrete wall, lift a motorbike and then casually walk away while something exploded behind him.

In other words, Salty wanted the Misfits to become absolutely SAVAGED!!!

The idea arrived at approximately 8.17 on a Tuesday morning.

Salty was standing in the kitchen wearing sunglasses.

Indoors.

Nobody knew why.

He had also somehow managed to find a sleeveless black top, despite the fact that it was nowhere near warm enough to be wearing one.

McFinleyyy looked at him.

“Are you going somewhere?”

Salty slowly turned around.

“I am going to the gym.”

McFinleyyy looked concerned.

“The gym?”

“The gym.”

“Voluntarily?”

Salty nodded.

“This is the beginning of a new era.”

McFinleyyy stared at him.

“Are we talking about the same Salty who once considered walking from the sofa to the fridge to be cardiovascular exercise?”

Salty pointed towards the door.

“Get your gear.”

“Why?”

“Because we are going to get PUMPED!”

McFinleyyy sighed.

“This is going to end badly.”

He was absolutely correct.

Operation Get Ripped

Within minutes, the Misfits' group chat exploded.

Salty had issued the order.

OPERATION GET RIPPED WAS UNDERWAY.

Govna responded first.

“Does walking to the gym count?”

Salty replied.

“No.”

Senior Miguel simply sent a thumbs-up.

Whizz asked whether stretching was mandatory.

Finholio responded with approximately seventeen muscle emojis.

Sarah wanted to know what the actual training plan was.

Susan asked whether Salty had remembered to include rest days.

Amy immediately asked whether anyone had considered keeping track of calories, weights and progress.

Anne asked the most important question of all.

“Who's bringing water?”

Salty replied.

“WATER IS FOR THE WEAK.”

Anne immediately responded.

“No. Water is for everyone.”

And that was how Anne became Hydration Commander.

The Arrival

The Misfits arrived at the gym looking like a badly organised action film.

Salty walked in first.

Sunglasses.

Sleeveless top.

Gym bag over his shoulder.

Looking like he was expecting a helicopter to land outside.

Behind him came McFinleyyy, carrying enough snacks to feed a football team.

Govna was wearing tracksuit bottoms and already looked exhausted.

Senior Miguel quietly walked in carrying his gym bag in one hand.

Whizz was trying to adjust his headphones.

Finholio was doing imaginary bicep curls before even reaching the changing rooms.

Sarah, Susan, Amy and Anne walked in together.

They looked considerably more organised than the lads.

Salty stood in the middle of the gym.

“Today,” he announced, “we begin the transformation.”

McFinleyyy whispered to Govna.

“Do you think he means transformation into people who can actually use gym equipment?”

Govna nodded.

“I hope so.”

Salty pointed towards the weights.

“LET'S GET PUMPED!”

The Misfits roared.

Well, most of them.

McFinleyyy shouted:

“Where's the coffee machine?”

Warm-Up

Sarah took control immediately.

“Everyone starts with a proper warm-up.”

Salty nodded seriously.

“Excellent.”

He then attempted to skip the warm-up.

Sarah caught him.

“Salty.”

“Yes?”

“You are warming up.”

“I am already warm.”

“You're wearing a sleeveless top.”

“Exactly.”

Sarah stared at him.

“Five minutes on the treadmill.”

Salty sighed.

“Yes, Commander.”

The lads started walking.

Then jogging.

Then running.

Within four minutes, Govna was questioning every decision that had brought him to the gym.

McFinleyyy was holding onto the treadmill.

Whizz was trying to adjust his speed.

Finholio was sprinting like he had just been told there was a free buffet at the finish line.

Senior Miguel calmly jogged along.

Sarah, Susan, Amy and Anne were keeping pace.

Salty looked across at them.

“Not bad.”

Susan smiled.

“Not bad?”

She increased the speed.

Salty looked worried.

Chest Day

Salty decided they should start with chest exercises.

The first bench press was loaded.

McFinleyyy lay down.

He looked at the weights.

The weights looked back.

McFinleyyy sat up.

“Perhaps we should start with something lighter.”

Salty shook his head.

“Pain is temporary.”

McFinleyyy nodded.

“Membership fees are also temporary if I cancel today.”

He eventually completed a few repetitions.

Then he discovered something far more interesting.

The gym had a massage chair.

McFinleyyy disappeared.

Ten minutes later, Salty found him sitting comfortably in it.

“What are you doing?”

“Recovery.”

“You haven't trained.”

“I've recovered in advance.”

Salty shook his head.

“Get out.”

McFinleyyy closed his eyes.

“I am currently engaged in advanced sports science.”

Govna Meets Leg Day

Govna had one simple objective.

Avoid leg day.

He tried everything.

First, he claimed his trainers were unsuitable.

Then he claimed he had forgotten his towel.

Then he announced that his legs were feeling “emotionally unavailable”.

Sarah wasn't buying any of it.

“Squats.”

Govna looked horrified.

“Could we perhaps do shoulders?”

“Squats.”

“Arms?”

“Squats.”

“Neck?”

“Govna.”

“Fine.”

He performed one squat.

Then stood up.

“That was excellent.”

Sarah raised an eyebrow.

“That was one.”

Govna looked at Salty.

“Can we call it a set?”

“No.”

“Half a set?”

“No.”

“An introduction to a set?”

“No.”

Govna sighed.

He performed another ten.

By the end, he was walking like he'd just spent three hours on a horse.

Salty nodded.

“Now you're getting PUMPED.”

Govna looked at him.

“I hate you.”

Senior Miguel's Secret Weapon

Nobody knew exactly how strong Senior Miguel was.

That changed during the deadlift session.

The Misfits were struggling with a loaded bar.

Salty was giving motivational speeches.

Finholio was shouting.

McFinleyyy was negotiating.

Govna was looking for an exit.

Then Senior Miguel walked over.

He picked up the bar.

Everyone stopped talking.

Miguel lifted it smoothly.

Then put it down.

Silence.

Salty looked impressed.

“How long have you been training?”

Miguel shrugged.

“I don't know.”

Whizz stared at him.

“You just lifted that like it was a shopping bag.”

Miguel smiled.

“It's not very heavy.”

The rest of the Misfits looked at each other.

Salty slowly nodded.

“Senior Miguel is officially SAVAGED.”

Miguel simply walked away.

Whizz Versus the Resistance Band

Whizz's greatest challenge wasn't the weights.

It was a resistance band.

He grabbed one.

Pulled.

The band pulled back.

Whizz pulled harder.

The band wrapped around his arm.

He tried to escape.

It wrapped around his other arm.

Within seconds, Whizz was standing in the middle of the gym looking like he'd been attacked by a giant elastic snake.

Sarah walked over.

“Are you all right?”

Whizz looked at her.

“The equipment has attacked me.”

Susan started laughing.

Anne tried to help.

Amy took a photograph for the group chat.

Salty arrived.

“What happened?”

Whizz replied:

“I was winning.”

Salty looked at the resistance band.

“It appears the band disagrees.”

Eventually Whizz escaped.

He immediately walked away from it.

“I'll use dumbbells from now on.”

Finholio Goes Full Action Hero

Then came Finholio.

Nobody could explain what happened.

One minute he was doing bicep curls.

The next minute he was standing in front of the mirror posing like an action hero.

“LOOK AT THE MUSCLES!”

McFinleyyy looked over.

“Which muscles?”

Finholio flexed.

“ALL OF THEM!”

He picked up two dumbbells.

“LET'S GET PUMPED!”

He completed his set.

Then another.

Then another.

Salty joined him.

“GET RIPPED!”

Finholio shouted:

“GET CUT TO BITS!”

The entire gym looked over.

Finholio didn't care.

He was now fully committed.

“SAVAGED!!!”

Sarah shook her head.

“You two realise this is a normal gym?”

Salty nodded.

“Not anymore.”

Sarah Takes Command

Sarah quickly became the person everyone feared.

Not because she shouted.

Because she noticed everything.

Half-repetitions.

Bad technique.

People pretending to lift heavier weights.

She caught them all.

Salty was doing a squat.

Sarah looked at him.

“Lower.”

Salty lowered slightly.

“Lower.”

He lowered again.

“Lower.”

Salty looked uncomfortable.

“That's low enough.”

Sarah shook her head.

“No.”

Salty sighed.

“Fine.”

He completed the squat properly.

Sarah nodded.

“Much better.”

Salty stood up.

“That's what I call discipline.”

Sarah smiled.

“You nearly fell over.”

“That was controlled.”

“No, it wasn't.”

Susan Destroys the Lads

Susan quietly became one of the strongest members of the group.

She didn't shout.

She didn't pose.

She didn't give speeches.

She simply picked up the weights and got on with it.

Then came the strength challenge.

The lads lined up.

Salty went first.

Finholio followed.

Senior Miguel watched.

Then Susan stepped forward.

She completed her set.

The lads looked at one another.

McFinleyyy whispered:

“We might be in trouble.”

Susan smiled.

“Another round?”

Salty nodded.

“Absolutely.”

She beat them again.

Finholio stared at the weights.

“I need heavier dumbbells.”

Susan laughed.

“You need more training.”

Finholio looked devastated.

Amy Has the Evidence

Amy had been keeping records.

Everything was written down.

Weights.

Repetitions.

Sets.

Rest periods.

Progress.

And, unfortunately for the lads, excuses.

Amy held up the spreadsheet.

“Interesting.”

Salty looked suspicious.

“What?”

“You said you did four sets.”

“I did.”

“You did two.”

Salty looked at McFinleyyy.

McFinleyyy immediately pointed at Finholio.

“Don't look at me.”

Amy continued.

“Govna said he did fifty squats.”

Govna looked nervous.

“I rounded up.”

“You did twelve.”

“Fifty was the target.”

Amy smiled.

“I've recorded twelve.”

Govna nodded.

“That's fair.”

Amy had become the official keeper of the truth.

There would be no cheating.

There would be no exaggeration.

And there would definitely be no claiming that walking to the vending machine counted as cardio.

Anne's Hydration Police

Then Anne arrived with water bottles.

Everyone received one.

Salty looked at his.

“I don't need this.”

Anne stared at him.

“You do.”

“I am a highly trained action hero.”

“You're dehydrated.”

Salty took a drink.

Anne nodded.

“Good.”

McFinleyyy tried to sneak away.

Anne handed him a bottle.

“Drink.”

He drank.

Govna tried to hide behind a machine.

Anne found him.

“Water.”

He drank.

Finholio was posing in front of the mirror.

Anne handed him a bottle.

“Hydrate.”

Finholio nodded.

“Hydration is strength.”

Anne smiled.

“Exactly.”

Salty looked at her.

“Perhaps we should have started with you in charge.”

Anne smiled.

“I know.”

The Final Challenge

After weeks of training, the Misfits decided they were ready for the ultimate challenge.

The weighted sled.

It sat in the gym like a tank without an engine.

Salty looked at it.

“That's going down.”

McFinleyyy looked concerned.

“Or we're going down.”

The challenge began.

Salty pushed first.

He gritted his teeth.

“PUMPED!”

He kept going.

McFinleyyy took his turn.

He pushed.

His face turned red.

“Why did we agree to this?”

Govna pushed next.

He immediately regretted everything.

Senior Miguel stepped forward and pushed the sled like it contained a single loaf of bread.

Whizz attacked it with determination.

Finholio practically charged at it.

Sarah pushed with controlled power.

Susan made it look easy.

Amy kept count.

Anne kept everyone hydrated.

Finally, they all lined up together.

Salty looked around.

“This is what happens when the Misfits work together.”

McFinleyyy nodded.

“We've actually become quite fit.”

Govna looked at his legs.

“They still hurt.”

Salty raised his fist.

“GET PUMPED!”

Everyone shouted:

“GET PUMPED!”

Salty shouted again.

“GET RIPPED!”

“GET RIPPED!”

“GET CUT TO BITS!”

“GET CUT TO BITS!”

Then Finholio screamed the final battle cry.

“SAVAGED!!!”

The entire gym erupted.

The Transformation

Over time, something genuinely impressive happened.

The Misfits changed.

The lads were stronger.

The ladies were stronger.

Everyone had better stamina.

They had more energy.

They were lifting weights they previously couldn't manage.

They were running further.

They were eating better.

And, most importantly, they were doing it together.

Of course, they were still the Misfits.

McFinleyyy still found ways to avoid difficult exercises.

Govna still complained about leg day.

Whizz still treated gym equipment with suspicion.

Finholio still believed every workout required an action-film soundtrack.

Salty still wore sunglasses indoors.

Senior Miguel remained mysteriously strong.

Sarah kept everyone disciplined.

Susan continued destroying the lads in strength challenges.

Amy continued recording the evidence.

Anne continued making sure nobody dehydrated themselves into oblivion.

But now there was something different.

They were fit.

Properly fit.

The Misfits had gone from wondering whether walking to the gym counted as exercise to pushing themselves through serious workouts.

Salty stood in front of the gym mirror.

He looked at his reflection.

He flexed.

McFinleyyy walked past.

“Are you finished?”

Salty shook his head.

“No.”

“What now?”

Salty slowly put on his sunglasses.

“Leg day.”

Everyone went silent.

Govna looked horrified.

Whizz took a step backwards.

McFinleyyy whispered:

“Run.”

Finholio grinned.

“BRING IT ON!”

Sarah smiled.

Susan nodded.

Amy opened the spreadsheet.

Anne checked the water bottles.

Senior Miguel simply shrugged.

Salty raised his fist.

“Tomorrow…”

He paused dramatically.

“…WE GET SAVAGED!”

McFinleyyy looked towards the exit.

“I'm going home.”

Salty pointed at him.

“McFinleyyy!”

“What?”

“YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED YOUR COOL-DOWN!”

McFinleyyy sighed.

The Misfits laughed.

And somewhere in the background, Salty's imaginary 1980s action-film soundtrack started playing.

The Salty Fitness Revolution was officially underway.

The Misfits were stronger.

They were fitter.

They were more determined.

They were absolutely, positively…

PUMPED.

CUT TO BITS.

AND COMPLETELY SAVAGED!!!