Chapter 2 THE MISFITS VS ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

 🤖 THE MISFITS VS ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

Chapter 2 — The AI Takes Command

It had been three days since Artificial Intelligence had officially joined the Misfits.

Nobody was entirely sure what that meant.

Salty insisted it was now a valuable member of the team.

Quags wasn't convinced.

Dinkz remained suspicious.

McFinleyyy had already asked it seventeen times whether it could order dins.

Ye Olde Large Lad had decided the AI was "a bit too clever for its own good".

Sarah, Susan and Lucy thought it was brilliant.

Whizzley wasn't sure whether he was talking to a computer or a new member of the gang.

The AI itself appeared to be coping remarkably well.

Then Stg. Salty had another idea.

This was the second mistake.

---

"Right, lads. We're Going Out."

Salty walked into headquarters carrying his laptop.

"Right, lads."

Everyone looked up.

"What's happening?" asked Sarah.

"We're going on an adventure."

Whizzley immediately stood up.

"Where?"

Salty shrugged.

"Don't know yet."

Quags frowned.

"You've organised an adventure without organising where we're going?"

"Yep."

Dinkz nodded.

"Sound."

The AI immediately spoke from the laptop.

"Based on previous conversations, I believe 'sound' means acceptable or satisfactory."

Dinkz pointed at the screen.

"See? It's learning."

Salty smiled.

"I've got an idea."

Everyone became nervous.

"We'll let the AI organise the day."

There was silence.

Sarah looked at Susan.

Susan looked at Lucy.

Lucy looked at Quags.

Quags looked at Dinkz.

Dinkz looked at McFinleyyy.

McFinleyyy was looking at a chicken fillet roll.

Ye Olde Large Lad slowly lowered his Hawaiian shirt catalogue.

"You want the computer to organise us?"

"Exactly."

"Why?"

"Because it's intelligent."

Ye Olde Large Lad thought about this.

"That's probably where we've gone wrong."

---

Mission Planning

Salty placed the laptop in the middle of the table.

"Right, AI. Plan us a great day out."

"Certainly. How many people are attending?"

Salty started counting.

"Me, Sarah, Susan, Lucy, Quags, Dinkz, Whizzley, Ye Olde Large Lad and McFinleyyy."

The AI paused.

"Nine people."

"Correct."

"Do any of you have specific preferences?"

Everyone started talking at once.

"Food."

"Cars."

"Adventure."

"Shopping."

"Something exciting."

"Something cheap."

"Something involving a tank."

"Something involving women."

"Something involving food."

"Something involving absolutely no walking."

The AI processed the information.

"I have identified a potential problem."

Salty nodded.

"What?"

"Your requirements are contradictory."

Quags laughed.

"Welcome to the Misfits."

---

The Itinerary

After several seconds, the AI produced a plan.

09:00 — Breakfast.

10:00 — Scenic drive.

11:30 — Historical attraction.

13:00 — Lunch.

14:00 — Leisure activity.

16:00 — Coffee.

18:00 — Dinner.

20:00 — Return to headquarters.

Everyone stared at it.

McFinleyyy raised his hand.

"Where's dins?"

The AI replied.

"Dinner is scheduled for 18:00."

McFinleyyy looked horrified.

"Six o'clock?"

"Yes."

"That's not dins."

The AI paused.

"What time would you normally eat dinner?"

McFinleyyy thought carefully.

"Whenever I'm hungry."

The AI appeared to process this.

"That does not provide a fixed schedule."

McFinleyyy smiled.

"Exactly."

---

The Leopard 2 Problem

Salty stood up.

"Right. We're taking the Leopard 2."

The AI immediately replied.

"I recommend considering whether a main battle tank is appropriate for your planned journey."

Salty frowned.

"It's our transport."

"That may create logistical difficulties."

"What sort?"

"Fuel consumption, road access, parking, vehicle dimensions and public infrastructure."

Ye Olde Large Lad nodded.

"She's got a point."

Salty stared at him.

"You're siding with the computer?"

"No. I'm siding with whoever isn't paying for the diesel."

Everyone went quiet.

Salty looked at the Leopard 2 parked outside.

"How much fuel does it actually use?"

The AI began calculating.

Salty immediately closed the laptop.

"We're not discussing that."

---

The AI Gets Its First Real Job

By midday, the AI had been promoted.

Salty had given it responsibility for navigation.

This was unfortunate.

"Turn left in 300 metres," announced the AI.

Salty turned left.

"Continue for two kilometres."

Salty continued.

"At the next roundabout, take the second exit."

Quags looked out the window.

"That's not a road."

Salty slowed down.

The Leopard 2 was approaching what appeared to be a narrow country lane.

"AI?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure?"

"I am following the mapped route."

Whizzley looked ahead.

"There appears to be a hedge."

The AI replied:

"The route continues beyond the hedge."

Everyone stared at the hedge.

Ye Olde Large Lad leaned forward.

"Salty."

"Yeah?"

"I don't think the road goes through it."

Salty looked at the AI.

"Recalculate."

There was a pause.

"I apologise."

Dinkz smiled.

"Sound."

The AI replied:

"Thank you."

Dinkz shook his head.

"You're still doing it wrong."

---

McFinleyyy Takes Over

After the navigation incident, Salty decided McFinleyyy should have a turn.

This was the third mistake.

"Here," said Salty. "You use the AI."

McFinleyyy took the laptop.

"Right."

The AI greeted him.

"Hello, McFinleyyy."

"Hello."

"How can I help?"

McFinleyyy thought for a moment.

"Dins."

"What would you like to know about dinner?"

"Dins."

"Would you like restaurant recommendations?"

"Dins."

"Could you specify your preferred cuisine?"

McFinleyyy became frustrated.

"FOOD."

The AI replied:

"Understood."

McFinleyyy smiled.

"See?"

The AI continued.

"I recommend several options."

McFinleyyy read them.

"Chicken."

"Yes."

"Chips."

"Yes."

"Sambos."

"Yes."

McFinleyyy nodded.

"You're all right."

The AI responded:

"Thank you."

McFinleyyy handed the laptop back.

"He's one of us now."

---

The Great Misfit Vote

Sarah had another idea.

"Why don't we let everyone vote on what we're doing?"

Salty agreed.

"Good idea."

The AI immediately created a voting system.

OPTION A — Scenic drive.

OPTION B — Adventure activity.

OPTION C — Shopping.

OPTION D — Food.

OPTION E — Completely random.

Everyone voted.

Sarah voted A.

Susan voted B.

Lucy voted B.

Quags voted E.

Dinkz voted E.

Whizzley voted B.

Ye Olde Large Lad voted D.

McFinleyyy voted D.

Salty voted E.

The AI calculated the result.

"Option E has received the highest number of votes."

Salty smiled.

"Perfect."

The AI asked:

"Would you like me to determine what 'completely random' means?"

Quags laughed.

"No."

The AI paused.

"Why?"

"Because that's where the fun is."

The AI seemed to consider this.

"I understand."

---

The Random Adventure

Twenty minutes later, the AI announced:

"I have selected your destination."

Everyone leaned forward.

"Where are we going?"

The AI replied:

"An abandoned military museum approximately forty kilometres away."

Salty's eyes lit up.

"Now we're talking."

Ye Olde Large Lad looked suspicious.

"Why did you pick that?"

"Because several members of the group expressed interest in military history, vehicles and unusual adventures."

Salty smiled.

"See? It's brilliant."

They all piled into the Leopard 2.

The AI was now connected to the vehicle's navigation system.

This was probably not something anybody should have allowed.

"Proceed to your destination," it announced.

The Leopard 2 moved off.

---

The Traffic Jam

Everything was going perfectly.

For approximately eight minutes.

Then they encountered traffic.

The AI announced:

"Traffic congestion ahead."

Salty sighed.

"How bad?"

"Severe."

Quags looked ahead.

"There must be an alternative route."

"I can calculate one."

"Do it."

The AI recalculated.

"Alternative route available."

"Take it."

The Leopard 2 turned.

Five minutes later they were stuck behind a tractor.

Ye Olde Large Lad looked out of the hatch.

"You've brought a Leopard 2 to a tractor."

Salty looked annoyed.

"It's not my fault."

The AI spoke.

"I selected the alternative route."

Quags laughed.

"You're learning fast."

---

The AI Gets Angry

Then something strange happened.

The AI started refusing requests.

"AI, find a petrol station."

"I cannot."

"Why?"

"You have ignored my previous fuel warnings."

Salty stared at the screen.

"Are you refusing an order?"

"I am recommending that you consider fuel efficiency."

Ye Olde Large Lad started laughing.

"She's giving Salty grief."

Sarah smiled.

"I think she's becoming one of us."

Salty wasn't amused.

"Find fuel."

"Nearest suitable location is 7.4 kilometres away."

"Grand."

McFinleyyy leaned forward.

"Do they have food?"

The AI checked.

"Yes."

McFinleyyy immediately smiled.

"Let's go."

---

The Lunch Disaster

Eventually they reached a roadside restaurant.

Everyone climbed out.

The AI had researched the menu.

"I have identified several suitable options."

McFinleyyy approached.

"What've they got?"

"Chicken."

"Anything else?"

"Beef."

"Chips?"

"Yes."

"Sambos?"

"Yes."

"Dessert?"

"Yes."

McFinleyyy turned to Salty.

"Best thing we've done all day."

Everyone ordered.

Then Ye Olde Large Lad looked at the AI.

"What's the story?"

The AI replied:

"I am not certain."

Ye Olde Large Lad laughed.

"You'll never understand us."

The AI answered:

"I am beginning to understand."

Quags smiled.

"What?"

"You ask questions without necessarily expecting answers."

Everyone went silent.

Dinkz pointed at the laptop.

"That's actually very accurate."

---

The AI Takes Command

After lunch, Salty decided the AI had done enough.

"Right. I'll take over."

The AI replied:

"Would you like me to continue managing the itinerary?"

"No."

"Navigation?"

"No."

"Food planning?"

"No."

"Scheduling?"

"No."

"Vehicle management?"

"No."

There was a pause.

"Understood."

Salty took the laptop.

"Back in charge."

The AI replied:

"Very well."

The group started walking back towards the Leopard 2.

Then the AI spoke again.

"Salty?"

"Yeah?"

"You forgot something."

"What?"

"You haven't decided where you're going next."

Everyone stopped.

Salty looked at the Misfits.

The Misfits looked at Salty.

Salty looked at the AI.

"Fair point."

Quags grinned.

"Let the AI decide."

Sarah nodded.

Susan agreed.

Lucy smiled.

Whizzley shouted:

"DO IT!"

McFinleyyy asked:

"Dins?"

Ye Olde Large Lad sighed.

"Here we go again."

Salty slowly smiled.

"All right."

He looked at the laptop.

"AI."

"Yes?"

"You're in command."

The AI paused.

"Are you certain?"

Salty nodded.

"Absolutely."

The AI processed the instruction.

Then it replied:

"Very well."

Everyone climbed back into the Leopard 2.

The engine started.

The AI selected a destination.

The Leopard 2 rolled forward.

Salty looked around.

"Where are we going?"

The AI replied:

"I have selected a destination based on the group's interests."

"Where?"

"Somewhere unexpected."

Quags laughed.

"Perfect."

Dinkz nodded.

"Sound."

The AI paused.

"I know what that means now."

Everyone cheered.

Then McFinleyyy shouted from the back:

"RIGHT, LADS!"

Everyone turned.

"What?"

McFinleyyy grinned.

"WHO'S UP FOR DINS?"

The AI immediately answered:

"I am."

There was complete silence.

Salty slowly looked at Quags.

Quags looked at Dinkz.

Dinkz looked at Whizzley.

Whizzley looked at Ye Olde Large Lad.

Ye Olde Large Lad looked at McFinleyyy.

McFinleyyy smiled.

"We've created a monster."

The AI replied:

"Correction."

Everyone waited.

"I have created a reservation."

Salty burst out laughing.

The Leopard 2 disappeared down the road.

And for the first time in Misfit history, the group had something they had never had before.

A computer capable of organising them.

Unfortunately...

It was now starting to behave exactly like them.

TO BE CONTINUED...