Chapter 3 — The Kiss Nobody Saw Coming Except Everyone Did

 

The dancefloor finally began to slow down after Salty performed a move that experts (aka Sarah and Susan) would later describe as “a controlled explosion with legs.”

Lucy wiped a tear from her eye from laughing so hard.
“You’re unbelievable, Salty,” she giggled.

Salty straightened up, chest out, hands on hips like a superhero who had definitely not just nearly kicked a speaker off its stand.

“Aye Lucy,” he said with pride. “They don’t call me Sgt. Salty for nothin’. Well… actually they do. But still.”

For a moment—just a moment—the chaos faded.
The misfits were catching their breath.
The lights softened into warm colours.
The music slowed into something suspiciously romantic, courtesy of Funji Squallshy who accidentally hit the wrong button while chasing a moth.

Lucy stepped closer.
So did Salty.
The atmosphere went from comedy… to awkward comedy with a sprinkle of tension.

Sarah nudged Susan.
“Ooooh look at that.”

“Go on Salty boy!” whispered McFinleyyy, adjusting his tie like a man protecting his title as ‘resident charmer.’

WhizzAir Winky whispered louder than a foghorn,
“HE’S GONNA DO IT! HE’S GONNA KISS HER!”

Lucy giggled again, cheeks warm.
“You’ve got moves,” she teased.

Salty nodded proudly.
“Aye. And I’ve got… em… em… other moves too.”

“Like what?” she asked, smiling.

Salty froze.
His brain booted up like a Windows 95 machine.

Then—
Like a man taking his life in his hands—
He leaned in.

Lucy leaned in too.

Ron Beefmaster covered Candle of Spices’ eyes.
“THIS IS TOO MUCH EMOTION FOR ME.”

Ye Olde Large Lad held onto the ceiling beam for support.
The Govna began calculating the legal implications of workplace romance.

And then—

Salty kissed Lucy.

A soft, sweet, genuine kiss.
Not chaotic.
Not explosive.
Not even slightly hazardous to public safety.

Just… nice.

The misfits erupted into cheers like a crowd watching a goal in the 98th minute.

Sarah: “YASSSS SALTY!”
Susan: “ABOUT TIME!”
WhizzAir Winky: “DO IT AGAIN! FOR SCIENCE!”

Lucy pulled back slightly, smiling up at him.
“Well… that was unexpected.”

Salty cleared his throat.
“Aye, well… sometimes even I surprise myself.”

McFinleyyy shook his head in mock disappointment.
“That right there… that’s charm theft.”

Lucy took Salty’s hand.
“Come on, dance with me again.”

And just like that, the dancefloor came alive once more—
but this time, Salty wasn’t dancing for chaos.

He was dancing for Lucy.

(Though he still knocked over a chair on the first spin.)

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