Satirical American Road Trip: The Govna & Dannyboy’s Wild Misadventures Chapter 5 – Hollywood on the Hill

 

---

Chapter 5 – Hollywood on the Hill

Morning in Washington DC was crisp, grand, and deceptively serious — which made it the perfect backdrop for the gang’s nonsense.

The Govna led the way, insisting on wearing a bowler hat “for diplomacy.” Dannyboy trailed behind, wheeling luggage he swore should’ve been left on the train. Sarah and Susan looked effortlessly glamorous, sipping iced lattes, while Sgt. Salty tapped away on his phone like a man juggling ten schemes at once.

The Call from Hollywood

“Ladies, gents, you’ll never believe this.” Salty grinned, waving his phone. “I just got an email from some hotshot in Los Angeles. They saw the pictures online. They want a meeting.”

Sarah nearly choked on her latte. “Wait — a real meeting? As in Hollywood, Hollywood?”
“Indeed,” Salty said, sliding his shades on. “Netflix, Paramount, Marvel — who knows? The important thing is, they buy the dream. And dreams, my friends, are my specialty.”

The Govna squinted. “So you’ve conned half of Washington into thinking the ladies are movie stars, and now the entire West Coast wants in?”
Salty winked. “Not conned, Govna. Marketed.”

Dannyboy groaned. “This’ll end in lawyers.”

Capitol Hill Capers

Before Hollywood could whisk them away, the gang decided to pop into Capitol Hill for a little sightseeing. Bad idea.

They joined a guided tour of the US Capitol. The guide spoke solemnly about democracy, history, and legislation. The Govna raised his hand halfway through.
“Yes, sir?” the guide asked.
“Do you have a teapot in the building?”
The group groaned. The guide blinked. “Excuse me?”
“Every great government runs on tea,” The Govna said proudly. “Would you like me to donate one from my personal collection?”

Meanwhile, Sarah and Susan were once again mobbed by gawking tourists who whispered, “Aren’t those the actresses from that new spy film?” They gave up denying it and simply posed by a statue of Lincoln, which immediately went viral online under the caption:

“Secret Set Photos: Stars & Stripes of Love Filming in DC?”

Dannyboy tried to keep the peace, but things escalated when Salty spotted a group of senators leaving a chamber. He strode up, hand outstretched.
“Gentlemen, ladies, allow me to introduce Hollywood’s next big export. Political thriller meets romance. Half House of Cards, half Fast & Furious. Billions guaranteed.”

One senator nodded slowly. “And what’s it called?”
Salty grinned. “Filibusters of the Heart.”

Security Shuffle

Moments later, security kindly but firmly escorted the group outside.
“You can’t just pitch movies to senators in session,” Dannyboy hissed.
“They were interested!” Salty protested. “I saw the sparkle in their eyes. America loves drama!”
Susan smirked. “And apparently, so do you.”

Sunset on the Steps

As the day ended, the gang lounged on the Capitol steps. Behind them, democracy carried on; in front of them, tourists snapped photos of Sarah and Susan like paparazzi.

The Govna lifted his teapot again. “I say, this trip has gone rather well. We’ve toured the monuments, caused minimal international incidents, and attracted Hollywood executives.”
Dannyboy sighed. “Minimal?”
“Compared to the British Empire, lad, minimal.”

Salty’s phone buzzed again. He grinned. “Hollywood wants us in LA. First class tickets. Red carpet treatment. They think you’re all already cast.”
Sarah laughed. “And what about you, Salty?”
“Oh, I’m the producer. Naturally. The one pulling the strings.”

They all laughed, the sound echoing across the marble as the American flag flapped overhead. Somehow, improbably, this diplomatic disaster was turning into stardom.