Charity Shop Shenanigans – “The Mystery Donation”

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Charity Shop Shenanigans – “The Mystery Donation”

It was a quiet Tuesday in Sgt. Salty’s charity shop—or as quiet as it ever got. Ye Olde Large Lad was attempting to fold T-shirts with his bear-like hands (ending up with something closer to a rugby scrum than a square), while Winky had taken it upon himself to test every single clock radio in the shop, just to “make sure time was still working.”

That’s when it arrived.


A donation bag. Not just any bag. A suspiciously heavy, suspiciously clinking bag. Dropped off by a man in a trench coat and sunglasses, muttering only:


“Don’t open till Thursday.”
Then he disappeared faster than you could say “50c for a slightly cracked mug.”

Naturally, Salty opened it immediately.

Inside:

  • A taxidermy squirrel dressed in a tuxedo.

  • 47 VHS tapes all labelled “Sandra’s Aerobics – Do Not Copy.”

  • A perfectly good frying pan… with a bite mark in it.

  • And one small envelope marked: “To the Finder – your destiny awaits.”

The Govna insisted it was a prank. Sarah thought it might be cursed. Susan just wanted to price the squirrel at €10 and get on with things. But Salty? He knew an opportunity when he saw one.

By lunchtime, the tuxedo squirrel was proudly displayed in the window, drawing a crowd. Within an hour, three different hipsters tried to buy it for “art purposes.”

Meanwhile, Large Lad was stuck in the corner, watching all 47 aerobics tapes at once on a pyramid of TV sets—sweating harder than Sandra herself.

And the envelope? Oh, that was left unopened. Because in Sgt. Salty’s world, destiny was best saved for Saturday mornings—after the half-price sale on bric-a-brac.

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